


Soon It Will Be Cold Again

by FluffyBlue



Category: 19天 - Old先 | 19 Days - Old Xian, 19天 | 19 Tiān - Various Authors
Genre: Bittersweet, Casual drinking, I have no idea what else I should tag, M/M, Sad, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-11
Updated: 2016-08-11
Packaged: 2018-08-08 03:07:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 625
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7740997
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FluffyBlue/pseuds/FluffyBlue
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Zhen Xi was sitting right next to him. If he moved his fingers just a little bit, they would touch his.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Soon It Will Be Cold Again

Zheng Xi sat next to him, drinking beer and staring at the blinking lights of the city stretched out below them.  
They were sitting on that same hill he'd dragged him to on his birthday a while ago.  
It really was beautiful. In the darkness of the moonless night, you could hardly make out where the city lights stopped and the stars started.  
In the hot summer night, Jian Yi was greatful for the cooler they had brought the beers in. But it wasn't enough to cool the burning in his chest.  
Zheng Xi was sitting _right next to him_.  
If he moved his fingers just a little bit, they would touch his.  
If he reached out his hand he could grab his chin.  
If he leaned in just a little, he could kiss him.  
He could.  
He could never.  
Zheng Xi's eyes were on the lights around them, his mind elsewhere completely.  
He was was _so. close._ But so far.  
Suddenly he felt cold. Jian Yi turned his eyes away from him. He tried to focus on his beer. The cool feeling of the can in his hand, the bitter taste in his mouth. The soft grass under his hand. The chirping of the cicadas around them.  
He was used to this. This cold, suffocating feeling. It seemed like he'd known Zheng Xi all his life, and loved him most of it. It had hurt when he'd realised it. It had hurt when he'd realised he could never have him. It hurt whenever he'd see a girl walk up to him. It hurt whenever Zheng Xi would reject his calls because he'd been too annoying that day. It hurt whenever Jian Yi went to sleep alone. But it hurt most of all when they were together, when they were right next to each other, and Zheng Xi's mind was completely elsewhere. Completely unaware of the turmoil in Jian Yi's heart. It felt like he was drowning in ice cold water.  
How many times had Jian Yi decided to screw it all and just... tell him everything?, or just straight-up kiss him? He couldn't say.  
This one time, they had downed a few too many drinks in Zheng Xi's room. Drunk on the beer and the beauty of the setting sun shining on Zheng Xi through the window, Jian Yi had decided to go for it. They were sitting next to each other on the floor, leaning against the bed. He'd whispered Zheng Xi's name, hoping to kiss him as he turned his head... But instead their foreheads bumped together and in surprise he'd spilled his beer all over the both of them. His body had frozen, waiting for Zheng Xi's reaction. When he'd erupted into laughter instead of getting mad as Jian Yi had expected, it felt like a thousand suns had lit up in the room. He joined in the laughter and they made fun of each other's wet pants and nothing mattered. He felt warm again, he could breathe again.  
It was always like this. One moment he was freezing, the next Zheng Xi would laugh, or even just smile at him, and suddenly he would feel warm all over.  
Maybe that was why he endured the cold pain. For the wonderful moments when it was warm.  
Zhen Xi's voice brought him back to the present.  
'You okay?'  
'Huh?'  
'You look cold.'  
_He worries about me_ , Jian Yi thought. _Of course he does, you idiot, he's not in love with you but he's not heartless._  
'M'fine.' Jian Yi said. Zheng Xi stared at him, not believing him. Jian Yi smiled.  
'Okay.' Zheng Xi turned his eyes back to the the stars.  
Jian Yi closed his eyes.  
_Mh. This warmth. Totally worth it._


End file.
